Katy (00:02.198)
Hello, welcome to the final episode of season one.
Katy (00:13.55)
Hello and welcome to the final episode of season one. Can't believe we're here already. I have shared before that I will do seasons in this podcast to support my value of cyclical and restful living. I'm thinking I'll probably do two to three seasons each year with around 12 episodes in each season. We as humans were never meant to be on 24-7
and it just so happens that today we're going to be discussing women, rest, and social justice. Now I will warn you we will be getting into a somewhat controversial topic today and I want to give you some context as to where my idea for this episode started. As you may know I'm a big advocate for social justice movements and
As you may know, I'm big on advocacy for social justice movements and this topic of women and rest, or at least anti-stress burnout, is really at the heart of my business. I want to talk about this in more depth.
I've wanted to talk about this in more depth for a few months now, I just didn't have the format to do so yet. So the question that's being posed here today, is rest and ease a privilege? And should women be shamed for it? Should rest be denied to women or anyone until it is available to everyone?
Katy (01:53.234)
many marginalized populations in general, I will say, continue to be disproportionately subjected to abuses, health inequities, income inequality, harsh living conditions, and more, is the topic of self-care, rest, and emotional wellness in more privileged settings somewhat indulgent and maybe
Katy (02:24.298)
And I want to invite you first to take a moment and I want to invite you to bring in curiosity through the end of this episode, okay? To hear out all ideas prior to forming final judgments or conclusions. I'm gonna be sharing some perspectives that come not just from myself and my background in mental health or social work, but also from leaders of social justice movements.
Also, before we get started, I want to say that both this topic and last week's topic of coping with collective trauma were topics that I had been formulating and scheduled before the recent terror and conflict broke out again in the Middle East. Activism on the terrorism in Israel and the genocide in Gaza is really sweeping social media right now, which is important. And I want to
the conversation we'll be having today against a larger backdrop. Even since I started my online business in 2020, we've had the pandemic which prompted worldwide unrest and conflict and polarization. Here in the USA, we've had huge political activist movements like the Me Too movement, Black Lives Matter, it was over
Katy (03:50.946)
The... There are these nonstop waves of social justice issues that happen in the world, all of which have critical importance and relevance. I want to highlight that. And this episode is not directly related to what's happening in the Middle East right now, despite the timing of it, although perhaps you may find some relevance for yourself.
I want you to really take a bird's eye view here with me as we discuss this topic of women, rest and social justice, okay? It's going to sort of piggyback on last week's episode a bit, but with another twist. So here's what sparked this episode topic for me earlier this year, even though it's been a topic of consideration for me for a very long time. Earlier this year on International Women's Day.
One of my fellow online coaches who I really admire, her name is Nikola Jane Hobbs, made a post that said this, "'When we are deeply rusted, we have an increased desire to challenge injustice, patriarchal norms, and use our voice for change.'" And this is something that I deeply agree with. So I commented on this post, something like, yes.
learning to sink more into our ease benefits everyone. And then of course as happens on social media, I had a woman very harshly come down on me telling me that my privilege was showing, if only it was that easy and not every woman has the privilege of rest and ease. She insinuated that women in privileged society centering themselves around rest and self-care
passivity against injustice in patriarchal norms.
Katy (05:52.13)
Her idea was that, and this is a quote, rage is self-care. And adding onto this even recently with what's happening in Gaza, I've seen community social justice leaders online say things like, any therapists or healers who are promoting self-care or emotion regulation right now are just supporting the colonial power structures. So,
As someone who respects many of these Indigenous leaders and teachers, I've even taken a step back to kind of ask myself, wait, wow, am I doing harm by promoting mindfulness, self-care, or emotion regulation in these times of collective crisis?
I truly believe in listening to all perspectives and reflecting on these things because it's how we grow, right? And a little later on I'll share what I've landed on with this, but first, here's the thing. I absolutely see that perspective, and I completely agree that rage is a very normal response to violence against women.
and inequities that continue to be perpetuated by patriarchal norms, colonial power structures, and extreme capitalist values. There was another post I saw recently by Christina Tucker, which I loved, that said, I think a lot of women have convinced themselves that they're sad when they're actually furious.
Katy (07:32.99)
of not just activating for protection and survival, but also for healing for many people. Especially if it was never safe to feel or express rage when it did have to be repressed or internalized for the sake of survival and safety, it is absolutely an emotion that needs to be acknowledged, felt, and worked through. I want to really validate this.
It is also correct that privilege is a thing, and with privilege comes an opportunity to be of more help. If you're someone who has won the lottery of being born in a nation that is not war-torn, that is a privilege. If you don't have to worry about whether you will find food on the table, that is a privilege. If you don't have to worry about direct violence or aggression acted towards you in your home,
That is a privilege. Many women around the world are facing incredibly exhausting, frightening, and traumatizing realities every day, even in so-called progressive nations like the United States, right? So to happen to have been born into families or circumstances where that sort of violence exhaustion and survival is not the case is such a privilege and one to be in.
grateful for. When you compare those kinds of traumas or stressors to things like traffic jams, marital conflict, a noisy home with messy kids, a critical boss, a demanding work environment, or whatever we might see in many of our privileged day-to-day lives, it's clear that there are different kinds and levels of stress, okay? There's no doubt that privilege exists.
What I believe is not helpful is when the word privilege is used like it's a dirty word, like a sinful label that you should be ashamed of, like those who happen to have it should be punished for it. If our goal is to support more activation of those who do hold privilege, this kind of judgmental tone and insinuation does not help the cause.
Katy (10:00.738)
Do we want more equity in the world? Absolutely. And mindfulness teaches us a process for effective problem solving, which starts with dropping the judgments. So if rage is natural and understandable, and maybe even sometimes needed, and certainly we want more people activated to help create effective change in the world and dismantle harmful paradigms,
How do we do that without completely flooding people to the point where they give up and become hopeless or react in more harmful ways that promote further division and conflict? Is rest something that is a dirty word that should be avoided? I want to offer you a metaphor here that I think is important.
Creating more equity in the world is a long-term game. Remember what I said earlier about zooming out? Think of a sports game. Any long-term game has many innings. It has half-times. It has timeouts. It has over-times. In fact, it has seasons. And teams play over many seasons to gain their overall standings in the league.
Any sports coach will tell you cannot put a player in the game non-stop. If there were no timeouts, no half-times, no pauses between games or seasons, the player would injure themselves, exhaust themselves, and be of absolutely zero use to the team. Originally, when I was conceptualizing this a few months ago, I was using the imperfect metaphor
which I was reluctant to use an example here and now with what's escalated again in the Middle East. But the truth is war exists, conflicts exist and fighting for equity often results in war as much as I don't support violence or war. This is why this conversation really matters because our larger overarching goal in the world is of course to decrease violence that happens in the world.
Katy (12:22.122)
So when you are in a long-term fight for more equity in a certain area, and we know that these things play out over generations, the concept of, there is no rest until we all rest does not work. The idea of working tirelessly for something is a false idea. In fact, if there is a notion of that idea that is true,
It includes periods of rest. Sustainability of energy requires rest. This is a fact. It's pure physics and chemistry. People die without sleep. And I get it. It can feel unthinkable to pause and rest. It can trigger guilt. We talked some about this in last week's episode of coping with collective trauma and community disasters.
So if you haven't listened to that yet, be sure to go back and catch it. When we are barely getting by day in and day out, managing our own levels of stress in our life, there's very little chance that we have the capacity to also step into our collective nature and spend energy on things like advocacy for social changes for our fellow women or members of other marginalized groups.
The chances of donating and volunteering are way lower. The chances of even looking or paying attention at all are way lower. So there's a reason why so many people are completely disengaged from the larger picture. They're overwhelmed. Here is my deeper take on this. When people argue that nobody should rest until we can all rest, within that statement,
I actually see elements of the industrialist, extreme capitalist, patriarchal, and colonial paradigms that we hope to dismantle. Who benefits from women's marginalized groups and advocacy groups being exhausted, depleted, burned out, stuck in trauma responses, and frozen? Who benefits? The powers that be benefit.
Katy (14:46.834)
An exhausted population can't stand up for themselves and get out from under the boot. I'm going to give you an example from the civil rights movement. The entire idea of radical self-care was started by the Black Panther Party and Latinx feminist writers as a way to take care of their health and wellness amidst their ongoing struggle for more equity. They saw it as vital to their survival.
and happiness. So they realized that sustainability in their cause came down to this, and that advocacy and pushing for social change did not have to exist in the absence of rest and joy. Another activist who I really admire, Rachel Cargill, has also highlighted that the recent trend of the soft girl era
also originated in circles of Black women exploring what it means to live outside the struggle of survival here in the United States. It was the emphasis of Black women highlighting the need to cultivate spaces for themselves of softness, rest, and healing. So I ask again, who really benefits from tearing down the movement of rest and self-care, including for those who have various areas of privilege,
and may actually end up with more resources to contribute to advocacy causes. Who benefits from guilting or shaming anyone, especially women, from daring to pause and tend to their own health or wellbeing? This message that relentless rage and fight is the only solution and rest should not be indulged in, so to say,
It also gives off a false dichotomy which says, if you don't have privilege, then rest or ease is not available to you. So this message also robs those who are struggling from injustices to believe that it's even possible for them to find some ease within their life while working towards change. What is taught through both mindfulness and dialectical thinking, which,
Katy (17:06.89)
I'm gonna link in the show notes a blog I wrote about what dialectical thinking is. It's basically getting out of polarized thinking and viewing reality in a more dynamic way. So what is taught through this is that finding more inner peace, for lack of a better way to put it, is not mutually exclusive from advocating and working towards societal change.
so we can find peace within the storm while working to track out of the storm, okay? Again, here I wanna elevate voices that are not my own, namely Desmond Tutu and the Dalai Lama who co-wrote this book called The Book of Joy. These are two men with very different religious belief systems.
Desmond Tutu, of course, was a Nobel Peace Prize winner and a South African human rights activist who worked against apartheid. The Dalai Lama was forced to flee Tibet as a child when it was taken over by China and his people experienced a cultural genocide. So both of these individuals, who some might think shouldn't be able to find a sense of peace within their life, however,
They are both great teachers of peace. Instead of telling everyone, you can't rest, you can't slow down, stay angry, rage is self-care. We need to be teaching people that in fact they can rest. That experience of more peace and ease is possible while working over time towards change.
If individuals who experienced apartheid and cultural genocide can promote that, we all can. Listen, as I said earlier, anger is healthy. Relentless, nonstop rage is not for anyone. It's not sustainable. In fact, we know it kills you. There is a scientific link between anger and heart disease.
Katy (19:23.266)
So when I hear someone saying that it's irresponsible or that I'm part of the problem for a privileged person like me to be teaching things like mindfulness, emotion regulation, and self-care during times of political unrest or even war, I take issue with that. I feel it's irresponsible to not do so. And I think a big part of it is stopping this messaging that rest, ease, and a sense of internal peace.
is only accessible to the select few. That is what's not equitable. And again, that only serves the powers that be an ongoing oppression of marginalized people, women included. So I've spent 15 years of my career working in the mental health field with various marginalized populations. And I will tell you this, learning to practice things like mindfulness, learning to feel
and regulate emotions, learning to be more effective interpersonally and coping with intense pain and traumas in order to function better and take more action for positive change. It is possible for anyone. Every single human being on this planet has the right to learn tools for self-regulation and more internal peace.
and we don't get to more peace in the world by saying that there's any one group, privileged or unprivileged, who doesn't deserve it or shouldn't have it. As I said earlier, if we want more privileged women activated to create more change in the world, then more privileged women need help getting out of their own chronic stress responses. When anyone is flooded with their own life,
they can't participate in community. Women especially in all walks of life are often asked to carry inequitable loads of emotional labor, household management on top of their nine to five work in parenting. In fact, there was a recent study here in the United States that found that men average four and a half more hours of leisure time each week than women.
Katy (21:45.262)
that's even higher for men compared to women when the couple are parents. So when women continue to be disproportionately
So when women continue to disproportionately lack time for rest and recovery, we have work to do. Going back to the post by Nikola Jane Hobbs, when we are deeply rested, we have an increased desire to challenge injustice, patriarchal norms, and use our voice for change. Here's the thing.
Here in Western culture, no matter of our social class or social standing, we have all been indoctrinated into industrialism. We are seeping in the idea that everything centers around relentless work. Your entire value as a human is placed on how much you're doing and producing. This is on purpose and it benefits those making money on your labor.
You've probably heard of the Protestant work ethic, which really is where religion has also harnessed working hard as a moral quality. But where did that start? What is the societal function of that? We can trace this back even before the industrial age, to the dark ages. Keep people exhausted, busy, and depleted so they don't question, rise up, or slow production for the larger business owners, right?
Tying religious moralism into working hard, non-stop even, is a surefire way to really ingrain it into people's survival instincts. Now we're not just trying to survive physically by working hard, but gain salvation spiritually through hard work. Now I am not against hard work. I would identify myself as a hard worker by nature. I come from a long line of hard workers.
Katy (23:51.574)
but polarizing into hard work without balancing rest and recovery is not healthy. And this industrialist mindset can get transferred into everything, including advocacy work. This is something another one of my favorite online coaches, Simone Sol, highlighted recently. Advocacy work is where we need energetic sustainability for the long game more than ever.
dialectical thinking also teaches us we can work hard more softly. We can both do and take action and be more relaxed and present while doing the work. It's not either or. It's both and. I've recently started a separate Instagram account by the way where my primary focus is teaching this dialectical thinking.
So if you wanna come hang with me there, also I'll link it in the show notes, but my account is ithoughtiwasgolden. Work does not have to be done with a constant white-knuckled grip. It can be done with a soft, grounded, non-attached focus. And in fact, when we work in these ways, we are so much more effective at reaching our goals.
Bringing mindfulness and regenerative practices into our lives is a privilege that every single one of us deserves and can start claiming. Something as simple as taking 10 minutes to sit and breathe, to start a meditation practice, to take a mindful walk, to remember gratitude, to remember we are connected to others and what we do matters.
read a book on mindfulness. In this space at least, there will never be shame for resting or slowing down, for honoring your capacity. None of this is exclusive to caring deeply and also working towards changes in the world. This is the work of many lifetimes and we have to be okay with the fact that there is not final resolution.
Katy (26:14.974)
on these important causes within our lifetime. So in closing, I want to offer these dialectical opposites to practice balancing and doing both. Feel the anger and regulate it. Push for change and accept the moment.
actions and rest. Okay? We need you in the game. Alright friend, that is all I've got for you today. Thanks for sticking through season one of the Mindful Soul podcast. I can't wait to be back with you early next year for season two. In the meantime, may you be well, may you be at peace, may you be free from suffering.
