Katy (00:02.53)
Hello, welcome back to the Mindful Soul podcast. I'm really excited for today's episode because it was actually a vote by one of our community members here. So a while back, I think right when I launched the podcast in my stories, I did a little promo to let listeners decide topics. And so people voted on topics and then re-voted on the number one, which is what we're talking about today, which is burnout.
during the holiday season. Now, the second runner up, another topic that was also voted on was the pressure to do it all. And I feel like these topics kind of go well together. So I'm going to do a blurred blended topic this week. We're gonna talk about burnout during the holiday season and that pressure to do it all. And you know, I feel like the holiday season is probably one of the busiest seasons for.
for most of us, there's a lot going on. Work is often wrapping things up towards the end of the year. There's deadlines that might be happening. Family events are happening, probably multiple family events and social events are happening, work parties are happening, it's a lot. And then, you know, women especially kind of get burdened with the planning around the holidays. It's typically the women in the homes who are...
you know decorating and buying the gifts and doing the organizing and getting the kids ready and all of this other stuff so it can be a really hectic time of year and you know what's supposed to be this restful celebratory season ends up leaving you haggard in January and you just want to like lay in bed for the month right? So I'm going to break this down into three different
things that can be helpful during this and starting off with busting this idea that it's even possible to do it all. And you know I think this messaging comes from many different places and a big part of feminism over the decades has been like women can do it all right? We can work, we can be moms, we can be wives or partners and you know I think that
Katy (02:17.902)
pushed us ahead in some ways, obviously many ways, that yes, we can do multiple roles, but now it's like the expectation is we do them all at the same time perfectly. And the truth is, is that it's impossible. We are organic human beings, and if we try to do everything, we will literally get sick, and this is when we burn out and we start having emotional problems, maybe even...
significant mental health problems if we're trying to do too much and putting too much pressure on ourselves. So we cannot do it all and the first area I want to focus on with you is the idea of personal limits. So when it comes to relationships and setting boundaries and you know letting people know what we can and can't do, this idea of personal limits is going to be really helpful.
everyone has their own and unique set of personal limits and limits are basically boundaries. We have limits on our time, we have limits on our energy, and we also have financial limits. And the holiday season is one of those seasons that can tap all of those limits, all your time, all your energy, and even all your finances if you're not careful. And so
the first thing we have to do is get clear on what are my personal limits. what am i able to do energetically, financially, what do i want to do energetically, financially, time-wise, all of those things. and when you're deciding what your personal limits are, you have to do them with nobody else in mind, right? because where we start to get clouded is, well,
my family wants me to do this or my friends want me to come and do this and my work I feel obligated to do that and so we start getting wrapped up into other obligations of what other people want us to do and we completely lose sight of what our personal preferences and limits are. So one thing that can help when we're getting clear on our personal limits is using the non-judgmental skill of mindfulness. So mindfulness teaches us to let go of judgment.
Katy (04:38.094)
There's not good or bad, right or wrong when it comes to your personal limits. Every human being is entitled to having personal limits and boundaries in these areas, in any areas, and you're entitled to set them. And so letting go of judgments, it's not rude, it's not selfish, those are all judgments that can make us get really clouded around.
What are we willing and able to do during times like the holiday season? And so once we get clear on what our personal limits are, what we wanna do, the next step of course is saying no to things when we need to. I can't attend that. I won't be getting gifts this year or whatever, right? Knowing really what is gonna work for you and your family and your own needs. And you know, I think...
it can be tricky because oftentimes we want to do these things, right? We want to go with friends and do all the social events, we want to go to family and be with them and do different things, but we also might know, I've got to also, you know, be careful about my energetic output. And so sometimes we have to also say no to ourselves.
and let our wise mind, this is another mindfulness concept, wise mind is a term that comes from dialectical behavioral therapy, but it's really talking about this collective idea of our inner wisdom, our intuition, our highest self, if you wanna call that, but letting that part of ourselves guide and say, listen, I know you wanna go do this and spend all this money or, you know, do all the things and we have to...
pick and choose here, right? And so sometimes we have to say no to ourselves. And the other thing is that with our personal limits and with other people, of course, there is sometimes compromise. So think of our personal limits or your personal limits as a bubble, and bubbles are soft, they bend. And so there's times where we might...
Katy (06:52.282)
set our personal limits firmly with others, but there's also times we might bend them a little and compromise and say, okay, I'll stay a little longer or I'll just go for a short period of time or I'll get gifts but I'll get them for a lower amount or something like that where these limits can be flexible, but the idea is that we bend them
from our own wise mind, right? Not from any external or outer pressure.
Katy (07:43.738)
One thing that's really important when we're saying no to something is we have to have a skill set for tolerating the disappointment or frustration we may get from others. And even if it's loving disappointment, you know, friends are like, oh, we're gonna miss you, we really want you to come, or whatever, like they love us, they care about us, it's maybe not true genuine criticism.
but we have to be able to tolerate the emotional aspect of that and not let that drive us into giving in and then potentially regretting that later. Because sometimes when we overextend or we give in on things because of that outside pressure, later we regret that and then we feel frustration and we pay the toll energetically, all of those things, right?
sometimes the frustration or disappointment we're getting from others is actually pretty harsh and you know, maybe this is coming from family members where they're really judging and criticizing you for not participating in something or for saying no to something and so those are even more challenging situations where we have to have this skill set of Distress tolerance is the term that I like to use here because this is a term that also comes from
dialectical behavioral therapy and it just so concisely wraps up what we have to be able to do which is tolerate that distress of someone being upset with us and sometimes that distress is we feel emotions like guilt or shame and I actually want to break down these two emotions. They're different emotions and it's important for us to really understand them so that we can work with them more effectively.
Guilt is an emotion that we feel when we've violated our moral code. So we've done something to violate our values. Keep in mind, everybody has different values. There's no right or wrong here. So your values don't have to be the same as your parents' or family's values or your friends' values. So we feel guilt if we've actually done something to violate our moral code. So when you say no to events,
Katy (10:06.134)
or spending money or doing stuff over this very busy season and then you feel guilty, you wanna ask yourself, is this guilt really justified? Am I really violating my moral code by saying no to this? And if not, then this is where you wanna tolerate that emotion and let it be there. Don't act on it, don't give in. Just notice that this emotion is here right now. I'm feeling guilty, but it's gonna pass. It's not gonna last forever.
Shame is an emotion that we feel when we fear rejection from others or we actually get rejection from others. So we might feel some shame, oh what are people going to think about me? Are they not going to like me? Are they not going to invite me to other things? Is my family going to give me the silent treatment or cut me off? Right? All these things happen. So we might feel shame because of the social exclusion or rejection that we may be feeling. So once again,
you want to check the facts on your shame and ask yourself, is it factually true that if I say no to this thing, my people, my friends, my family are going to reject me and cast me out or judge me? If that is not true, then once again shame isn't justified in this situation and you've got to just let it be there, not act on it, you know, let it go and stick to your no.
Sometimes it may be true that people are gonna judge you or you know reject you, be upset with you. Still you want to ask yourself, is it effective to let this shame drive me in my decision making and make a decision out of shame? Maybe it is. Sometimes it is because we really want to be a part of a group and we say, okay you know what, this group is important to my family or this friend group and so I am going to go...
do this thing even though I don't feel like it. Again, this needs to be from your wise mind that you're making this decision. Other times you're like, you know, it's okay, let them be mad at me, let them judge me, it doesn't matter, you kind of like disconnect from that, so that shame doesn't drive you if your wise mind is like, no, I really don't wanna do this thing or I really need to say no to this thing. So,
Katy (12:28.034)
Hopefully those are some helpful ideas for coping with some of these emotions that can sometimes make it really hard to say no to things and set our personal limits around our time and our energy and our finances. The second thing I wanted to share as an idea during this time is to be sure that you take time to pause and truly rest throughout this season.
So intentionally building in downtime, whether it's 30 minutes, whether it's one day on a weekend, scheduling it in if you have to, putting it on your calendar so that you can really just rest and be down. Down not as in like depressed, but if that's okay too, don't judge that, but down as in restful, right? Where you're doing things that are replenishing your energy stores.
and it's important to truly be present in rest. So when you're taking this downtime, you're not going over in your mind all your obligations and what you need to do and stressing yourself out. You get into your five senses in that present moment and just fully be in that relaxation, whatever it is you're doing, whether it's watching a holiday movie, whether it's taking a walk or doing a yoga class, letting your body actually.
feel that rest so that it can truly count for you. And the third idea that I had for you during this super busy time is to again, be truly present with each activity and event that you are doing. So if you're just gonna be busy, and we go through seasons that are busier, and sometimes we just accept that, right? And it is maybe positive and fun.
So we know it's gonna be a busy back to back season. It's all our wise mind choices. We're doing these things because we truly want to and we're able to. We want to pace ourselves with our mindful presence. So taking one event at a time, one activity as a time, being right there in that moment, again, keeping an eye on your mind if it's jumping the head, okay.
Katy (14:48.09)
tomorrow I've got to do this and then next week we're doing this and then oh I forgot I got to go do this. If we're letting our mind run all over the place in that way we're not able to truly enjoy these activities that we're doing and the things that are that we are committing to, right? So hopefully these ideas helped you. This is a tricky time of year and I think that you know burnout
is something that can happen when we overextend ourselves. That's kind of the definition. We overextend ourselves physically, even mentally, that's when we're racing in our mind, or financially, like we're going to reach this point of like, oh we're fried, we're exhausted, and maybe even resentful. So we don't want to go that route this year, right? And you don't have to do it all, you can't do it all. So
Hopefully you'll take some time to maybe journal about this. And this is where I'd encourage you to start. What are my personal limits this year around obligations? What can I, can I do? What do I want to do? What do I not want to do? Getting clear on those, judgment free, so that you can do the work to say no to things and protect your time and energy as you need to.
That way you can enter January feeling a little more refreshed and ready for the new year. Alright, I hope you have a good one! Thanks for hanging!
